June July 2013

Daphy Duck, mommy loves you so much!! It is early July and for the last two months or more you have been obsessed with Dinosaurs.  You first little plastic dino you picked out was $30 bucks, I almost had a cow but you wanted it so I got it for you.  It has been one of the best toys, you take it with you everywhere and get upset if you can't. You sleep with the daddy dinosaur, the mommy and the baby.  Which brings me to the next thing you are doing.  You want to know where every ones mommy and daddy are.  I think you are beginning to realize that some families have mommy and daddy in the same house.  It makes me sad that you don't understand but no matter where we live, mommy and daddy love you very much. 

In June you me and Heathy went on vacation to the beach.  You loved it but you were so cranky!!! You loved running off chasing people and you also loved the jellyfish. 

You are completely fearless in everything you do.  Your favorite movies right now are IceAge and Madagascar, I think MotoMoto likes you.  When you get bigger you say you want to be a boat captain. July daddy took you on an airplane trip to Alabama and then yall drove down to Florida to go to the beach. You had a blast, but it was a whole week that you were away from me. It is the longest we have been apart and I missed you so much.

May 2013

Well it is the end of May and here I am, behind again. I'm behind in everything!! The house, the yard, work, laundry yada yada.  Wow what a month. The end of April I ran our pup Hans over the middle of May he attacked your 7 kittens and killed 4.  You think I gave them away and you wern't happy about that either. It is sale week at the ranch so very very busy. You now say your whole name when asked what it is daphneadalyssskipper. And when asked how old you are you tell everyone 4 months old. You can now get on the potty by yourself!  You like to get in my bed in the middle of the night and I am doing my best to break you of it, but you are stubborn but so am I.  You are infatuated with dinosaurs and you have one that I bought you ($30) that you haul every where with you. You say your complete Abc's til p. Your hair is coming in finally and it is so curly.  You love the daddy song. You now only refer to me as mom, not momma, or mommy what are you 15?? geesh.

April 2013

Finally caught up, I know I missed some of the cute little things you did and said, but at least I'm back up to speed and hopefully can stay there. This month you still like Eric but not as much which is good. You love going to Chuck e Cheese and we went twice last week. We also went to the zoo and right now the hippos are your favorite. You are such a grown up when you talk. You stayed at aunt bonnies one night and when I picked you up I told you to tell aunt Bonnie thank you very much, you said, "Mrs. Bonnie thank you very much," then you put your hand on her shoulder and said, "I'll come back and see you." You are in love with movies since last month, especially Toy Story and Antz and the lion movie as you call it, (Madagascar) As soon as you wake up you want to watch them and as soon as you get home you want to watch them. When you are at work with me you watch them over and over and over. We have seen them so much lately that I have most of the words memorized. You are nowing calling Heath Heafy. 4/16/13 Got this text from daycare: D said poopy & I told her we don't say that at the table. D said & we don't say shit. W/the straightest face I could get, said yes ur right.

Hans

Sometimes when all else fails, writing it down helps to let it go, to release something that other wise would stay bottled up. Yesterday I ran over our puppy. It's hard for me to say it, harder for me to tell people and harder to realize myself the destruction I did to our dog. It was very traumatic, night marish, surreal almost. I still don't understand why he ran under the tire or how I did it. Or what purpose this stands, what lesson this is suppose to teach me. I believe everything happens for a reason, and sometimes we don't understand the reason, but for the life of me I can't figure out what good or lesson could be learned from this. Replaying it in my mind gives me the chills. Hans annoyed me at times and mad me so mad, but I didn't realize how much I loved him or would miss him being around until now when that is a real possibility. I went home at lunch, to feed Hans, and let momma kitty Shane out. I fed Hans tried to get him to calm down and sit, scratched him under his neck, which is his favorite spot and then got in the car to leave. I backed up slowly, watching for Hans because he always get so close to the car and then put it in drive to leave. He always follows the car but usually stops right at or before the cattle guard, but not yesterday. I crossed it, didn't see him and started to go and then I heard and felt the worst thing ever. I knew immediately I had hit him, it's kinda like I blacked out for a minute just hoping and praying that some how he would be limping off. I stopped the car open the door and saw him lying there yelping. I ran over to him and could tell he was hurt bad, I thought his back was broken because he wouldn't move his legs. I thought I could pick him up and put him in the car and get him to the vet, but I tried to pick him up and he bit me, I know it hurt me trying to move him. Then he started bleeding from his mouth and he pooped on his self and I started to freak out. I am usually calm in situations like this, but not yesterday. I started screaming and crying hysterically and needed help from someone. I tried calling Fred but it went to voicemail, frantically I thought who else could I call. I tried calling Roy but it was like a bad dream, the phone wouldn't dial, I couldn't see which button to push to make it go thru. It's weird trying to recall everything because I can't really remember the sequence of everything. I called Fred again or he called me, anyways I was trying to get him to come help, but he couldn't hear me, he couldn't understand. I just wanted him there, I needed someone to help me. Fred was on his way and I sit there with Hans, trying to console him and he laid his head down on the pavement, I thought he was dying. After what seems like hours waiting, watching for Fred to arrive he got there. We didn't want to hurt Hans anymore so Fred laid his vest down and we put Hans on it and we carried him to the truck. That truck ride to the vets seemed like forever, no one would move over and Hans wasn't moving his back legs, he was bleeding all over the truck. Fred called Doc on the way and we were informed Doc wouldn't be there for a couple of hours, I chose to still go there, because Doc is caring and very good at what he does. Once at the vets, they wanted to weigh Hans and I couldn't stand it, I just wanted them to help him, not weigh him. They assessed him and gave him so pain meds and all we could do was leave and wait to hear from the vet. As of this morning Hans is doing ok, his lungs are hurt pretty bad, his left is only functioning at 20% and his right at 70%. He has a bad cut on his leg into the joint. Doc would operate on the leg, but his lungs won't hold up, so his leg will just have to heal on it's own for right now. Said he could walk and was eating.

Single Life

5/9/12 I'm really at a turning point in my life. I've been single for 5 months now and in a just a few days the divorce will be final. Some days I don't know which was is up or where to turn, but all in all I think some how, I've got to be headed in the right direction. Above all I think my Daphne is happy, and truly that's all that matters to me. I really one day want to find my happiness too, but she is first. I will spend my last breath trying to make her happy, because I truly believe that is the meaning of life and our duty as parents to ensure it for our children. I remember as a pre-teen starring in the mirror thinking I was pretty. I remember later that afternoon having the guy working on the neighbors house check me out reconfirming I was pretty, but somewhere between that time and high school I lost my ability to think I was. Was it hearing my dad say that Robin would be the prettiest of his daughters, was it always being the big girl out of my friends, was it my shyness, was it not having a boyfriend? What defines beautiful? Who decides whether you are pretty or not? Why as a woman, a girl, a teenager a child is it so important? You are the only one who can make yourself believe you are beautiful. But with so many expectations and stereo types, it is easy to question your attractiveness. Why did I start with being happy and then move to being pretty? Well for me they kinda go hand in hand. Yes, that is very vain, but I can't help but think that. I'm a people pleaser

My Quote to you

My love for you knows no ends, it is unfaltering. It is the purest and deepest of love. It can only be felt by a mother and never explained to anyone who is not, nor understood. It brings the greatest of joy, and the biggest fears and worry imaginable. It is the absolute of unconditional and only grows stronger.

Wow time has past....2 April 2013

January- We had a mild winter. I wish I remembered more but I don't. I know you are growing like a weed and talking so much more then any kid at your age. I found Shane this month and brought her home, she had been missing since after Christmas. You were so excited to see her and for her to be home. February - Valentines Day. For Valentines daddy brought you ballons and a gift. Me you and Heath got take out food and watch the alligator show, Swamp people. Heath bought me a puppy named Hans for Valentines. He is a white lab and so cute, but so very much puppy. You didn't like him at first because he got the attention and jumped on you. He has since quit jumping on you and now you love him. You love messing with Heath and will get in any cheap shots on him that you can. Your new imaginary friend is the other Daphne, you see her in the mirror and other places. Sometimes she runs away and you can't find her. You have two crushes George, the card board cut out at mommies work and Eric the ranch hand at my work. It's so cute you get so shy around Eric and hide and won't talk to him. But he is all you talk about when he is not around. You get your playdough out and ask me to build you eric, or you get your etch a scetch out and want me to draw him. You are obsessed with Spongebob and contantly want to watch it and cry when you are not allowed to. March - My poor baby was sick most of March with double ear infection. When I took you to the doctor you weighed 30lbs. We have talked about you not being shy around Eric and at the end of the month you finally talked to him and said hi Eric. This month you got a weird owie on your foot. Im still not sure if it was a burn or bug bite. But it swelled up got red and stayed there for several weeks and still is not completely healed. Begining of this month we took you to your first movie that you actually set thru. It was Return to planet Earth. One of the characters on there was named Gary, Gary became your friend and went to school with you. The other Daphne also sometimes goes to school with you. I put you in a big girl bed and it was very trying at first, you continued to get up and not want to go to sleep.