So this is suppose to be one of the happiest times of my life, but for the last week or so it has been hell and misery. Chris has two trucks, one of them is on a payment plan for the next three years, we also have a car that is on a payment plan for the next three years. We have a baby due in October so there will be extra expenses with her including day care. Knowing all of this and knowing there is no increase in our finances, Chris is on a mission to get a new truck. It's not that I don't want him to have a new truck, but he is not trying to get rid or trade in the one he already has. He wants to take money out of our savings for a down payment and take on another two year note on top of everything else. I have been so upset and stressed out that I have cried myself to sleep every night. In the mornings my eyes are so heavy and crusted over.
I'm to a point where I really don't know what to do. I have tried talking with Chris, tried reasoning, tried threatening, tried compromising, I have broke down crying, I have brought up our baby Daphne. I feel like I have tried everything but yet he still is being selfish and wanting a new truck. It's just not fair, I feel like he doesn't care about us as a family, why should I be the only one worried about paying all of these bills? His solution is it will all be ok and after I get the new truck then I will get rid of the other truck........ It also hurts my feelings that he is getting me all upset, worried and stressed while I am pregnant and acts like it is my fault for being hormonal. Well yes, I'm sure I am a little over the top right now, but I don't think I am being unreasonable. Let me say that I also have tried every way in the world to budget this new truck into our finances but I just can't do it. The money is not there. I've tried telling and showing this to Chris and he tells me that my math is not always right. Well maybe I do make mistakes but I've asked him to do the same thing and show me where the money would come for, for this truck and he refuses.
I hate that I don't have everything that Daphne needs, and I hate that I can't go get it because I'm worried about saving every penny in case Chris does go and get this truck. I love Chris with all of my heart and I want him to be happy and have everything that he wants, but if he gets this truck I feel like it would break us. I can't with good conscious allow us to get this truck. The only thing I feel like I have left to do is tell him, me or the truck and really stand behind that. I hate this feeling, I hate seeing Chris sad or mad. I feel like I'm the bad guy not letting him get his way but I know that I couldn't live with myself spending that money right now. Also Chris has had a rough few weeks, last Saturday we were at a friends house and he walked off the porch and hurt himself priddy badly. He cut up his back, arm, elbow and almost cut part of his big toe off. I know it hurt like hell and was embarrassing because everyone seen it happen. Then all last week we were arguing and fighting not being able to agree on this issue. Then yesterday Chris was attacked by Bea's, his truck wouldn't start and now the starter is out. He was so mad he just told me to leave him alone and not talk to him.
He is mad at me because he doesn't have a nice truck. I do feel guilty, but he is the one who insisted on getting the two trucks that he has. One he got three years ago with out me agreeing to it and the other he only got last year. He wasn't calling these trucks pieces of junk when he wanted them so bad at the time, why are they junk now? I feel like he gets bored with these trucks and just wants something new. Oh I want this to be over and done with and us to be getting along again. This whole situation is really making me sick. I fell awful, physically and mentally ill. Part of me wants to be mean and cruel and make him see how much he is hurting me, but I really don't think that is what he is intending to do. I think he already thinks I am being bossy and cruel for not "letting" him get a truck with "his" money, even though I also work and it is our money. What am I going to do to get past all of this?
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